Ninja Tales
by SpeaksInRiddles
Summary: Naruto ficlet dump, for all of those little scenes and ideas that I haven't been able to merge into other stories I've worked on, but aren't long enough to be a standalone.
1. Academy Days: ATR

**AN:** Created for all of those little scenes and ideas I can't seem to work into my fuller fledged Naruto stories (yet, perhaps...).

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable properties belong to their respective owners. Who are not me, and will never be.

* * *

**Academy Days: A Teacher's Rant**

* * *

"Wait... What?", semi-retired Jounin Akahana Yuuko asked flabbergasted. The crippled kunoichi, who had at age 27 decided to leave the active duty roster, and go teach at the academy was standing in the Hokage's office, at loss for words. The reason? The Third's reprimand concerning a certain student's failed exam.

"Hokage-sama", she eventually said, having managed to regain her equilibrium, "With all due respect, and please allow me to finish before interrupting, Uzumaki-san is nearly unteachable in classroom setting." She held up her hand, "I don't really care about the Fox, scroll-kunai crap and all that, but there are many factors that tie into his abysmal grades"

She grimaced, "Forgive me for my choice of words, but while his heart is in the right place, the kid is a hyperactive loudmouthed brat who skips near constantly, has the memory retention of a dead wombat when it comes to academics, or lectures in general, is only semi-literate, and barely taught at all when it comes to social conventions. The latter two I understand, seeing how he is an orphan, and I've tried to fix at least some of it by giving him some, SOME reasonable extra assignments for self study, but he never did them, along with most of his other homework."

Taking a deep breath she continued, "I admit to choosing the Bunshin to make sure he failed, but that's only because Uzumaki-san, as he is now, would die on his first C-rank. A jounin-teacher will only be able to compensate for so much What the kid needs is being taught in a one-one setting, before he would even be eligible for being on a team.

This is something I can't give him unfortunately, seeing how even if I ignore the fact that it can be construed as favouritism, I simply don't have the time to tutor him on top of my other activities, and I don't have the chakra reserves to comfortably be in multiple places at once."

* * *

**AN2:** This one was inspired by all those bash-stories -among others- in which the authors laid the sole blame of Naruto's triple failure on the Academy teachers. I'm not saying this OC-teacher is completely justified in her actions, and she could have gotten someone else to tutor him for example, but she's only human, and therefore prone to overlooking or dismissing solutions out of hand.


	2. Reporting Complications

**Disclaimer:** *Looks at underwear for name*, "Nope, not Kishimoto..."

* * *

**Reporting Complications**

* * *

"So Naruto", Sarutobi asked genially, "I've been going through your latest mission reports, and I unfortunately must say I notice a trend. Are you aware of the fact that proper protocol dictates that your reports need to be filled with more than the basic outline."

The boy looked at him blankly for a second, and the Hokage realized he probably shouldn't have used some of the big words. He seemed to be able to get the message though.

Naruto gave him a sheepish grin, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Eh heh...", he laughed nervously, "About that Jiji... I do know how to report properly, It's just that my memories don't really add up. It's like I have separate sets of them! It makes it hard to figure out what happened..."

The Sandaime sighed and pinched his nose in exasperation. "Naruto", he said slowly, "Hasn't anyone ever filled you in about the Kage Bunshin memory retention?"

He could have asked why his honorary grandson _-as opposed to the honorable grandson-_, never connected the dots, but while he loved the energetic blond for many things, his intelligence -or rather lack thereof- wasn't one of them.

"Erhm... The memory what?"

Yep, definitely not his intelligence...

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage, launched into explanation.

* * *

**AN:** AU. Just because Naruto is not aware of it in the early series, doesn't mean the properties aren't there.  
**AN2:** Posting these chapters in a row makes me realize I have a lot of ficlets that portray Naruto as dumb. Bashing not intended, but to be fair, he is THAT stupid in canon.


	3. No 1 GUTsy Ninja

**Disclaimer:** Annoyed Statement: Still no Ownage detected. _(And yes, I am aware the proper term is 'Ownership')_

* * *

**A Gut Feeling**

* * *

There are many things that can be said about my jailor, Uzumaki Namikaze Naruto, and many things that could make him a superb ninja. His boundless energy, stamina, regeneration rate and chakra reserves are among them.

This annoys me, the almighty Kyuubi no Kitsune, as this can all be traced back to me. But do I get any thanks?.

NO!

Paying rent? Hah... His aforementioned awesome abilities, those are of my making. The Uzumaki bloodline may give him a boost, but I'm the one who allows it to be at the ridiculous level it is at.

He has great instincts, you say? As if...

He tries not to kill but to convert or redeem, a sentiment which -while honorable-, is absolutely stupid seeing how he is supposed to be a Ninja. They are trained killers, plain and simple, and it should have been rather obvious that you can hardly save everyone, especially your enemies, who are also trained killers.

This attitude would have gotten any lesser man killed. Not that he is all that great, but I am! And while my idiotic vessel may not have the survival instincts necessarily, this great me does, and damn it all to effing hell if I let myself die because of that knuckleheaded idiot.

It is his instinct in battle, those GUT feelings that allowed the brat to remain among the living.

Some have altered the title his teacher gave him. Unpredictability is overrated, especially if you don't have anything to support it. They call him the Number One Gutsy Ninja instead. I am more partial to that one. After all I am sealed in them.

* * *

**AN:** Because really? Really now? Looking at it like this from this POV Naruto should pay Kurama... The Fox deserves some love too, especially after all the crap his vessels -and Madara- put him through. Seriously? Mito's seal representation? that was just cruel...


End file.
